I'm turning my attention to the fantasy thing again. To get motivated and switch gears I listened to a vocal recording again that I made of the first chapter draft.
I'm finally meeting my own standards. Although in the distant future I will adjust some of the sentence structure I've finally achieved something near my own private ideal. And this was how it had to happen. Fantasy. It had to be dwarves and elves. Jesus. It so , so , so never could have been any other way.
Also another thing about how it had to happen: as I write it, I feel like no audience exists for it. The sentence structure and artful ellision is too unique or something. Too ornate. Like your average reader picks it up from the shelf and says "Meh. Not quite my kind of thing. Sorta fancy weird.'' My ideal is for an audience of about 50 years ago.
That is a discouraging pulse in my wrist but at the same time something that props me up and makes me do it exactly how I'm doing it without changing. An obstinacy. Knowing it's equally likely that I'll never even be able to coax people into buying and reading it.